Human paradox

My cries for help

are always silent.

I wait for someone

to hear my silent lament.

My throat numb,

my tears invisible.

I hide everything,

yet ache to be seen.

I wrap my pain in words,

decorated with metaphors.

I disguise it in poetry,

hoping no one catches me.

Yet I hope someone reads,

analyzes what I meant.

I wait for eyes of concern,

behind a smile that hides everything.

I am

a paradox of human pain.

                                       I hide everything, yet I ache to be seen. I don't think I could describe my pain in any way other than this. I honestly don't believe that someone would read my blog, I don't think I have an audience that begs to love my words. As a poet, i always craved for understanding and literally validation, but soon, I've understood that my words do not such an audience.

I have been feeling invisible, unworthy for a really long time. Today's perhaps my breaking point. 

Isolation is my coping mechanism. Sometimes I feel so vulnerable, everything weighs on my mind very heavily, air beside me feels like it would crush me, and whenever it gets worse, my brain's solution is isolation. 

A chronically online girl, is now erasing her presence. How ironic, I wonder. I would like to disappear from internet, especially from Instagram, I want to be gone for an year exactly. I honestly don't think I will be that missed, maybe a little, but not that much. So it's okay, i don't think anyone would be hurt by my absence now. I know my friendships will be affected, they will not be same after an year. But it's okay, the ones that are meant to be will survive the silence, if not I'll rebuilt the bond. 

With this, 

I say good bye to my online presence.